Maternal Rage: What It Is, Why It Happens, and How We Can Heal

Maternal Rage: The Anger No One Warned Us About

“Mum rage is when motherhood makes us angry, and that anger blindsides us. We expect motherhood to be a blissful experience that only brings joy, but motherhood is much more complex than that...”— Cristalle Hayes, Angry Mother, Assertive Mother

Let’s talk about something raw and real. Not the Instagram-filtered kind of motherhood, but the truth: Sometimes, motherhood makes us furious.

Not just frustrated. Not just overwhelmed......Raging.

If you've ever felt like screaming into a pillow after tripping over toys, cleaning the same mess three times, or being touched one more time after a day of being everyone’s everything — you’re not alone.

This is maternal rage. And it doesn't make you a bad mother. It makes you human.

Buy why does it happen?

Cristalle Hayes puts it perfectly — maternal rage often comes from a place of lack:

Lack of sleep, rest, and uninterrupted thought.
Lack of support, whether emotional, physical, or societal.
Lack of space — to be ourselves, to breathe, to exist beyond the roles of “mum,” “partner,” “provider.”
Lack of healing, as motherhood often stirs up our own childhood wounds, unresolved trauma, and unmet needs.
And let’s not forget the everyday chaos: The sensory overload, the mess, the arguments, the noise. (Ohhhh the noise!!!) The mental load of remembering everyone’s appointments, needs, preferences, and snack schedule. There is so much inform ation constantly whizzing through our brains - like a computer with too many tabs open.

Rage Is a Signal

Maternal rage is a red flag waving wildly in the wind, yelling:

“Something’s not okay.”

It often points to the invisible weight mothers are carrying. The unequal split of domestic labour. The pure weight and intensity of everything on the "To Do" List.

Let’s Stop Pretending It’s Just ‘Irritability’

We need to name it. Not suppress it. Not sugar-coat it. Not feel shame about it.

Because when we name it, we can work with it. We can start to unpack the layers underneath it. We can begin to reimagine motherhood in a way that includes the mother, and what she needs to be calm connected and present with her children. Which is the version we of course all want to be.

What You Can Do If You Are Experiencing Outbursts of Rage

Here are a few starting points, from a place of matrescence-informed care:

Acknowledge it without shame: You’re not broken, you’re burning out.
Get curious, not judgmental: What might this rage be trying to tell you?
Create micro-moments of space: Even 5 minutes to sit alone or take a walk can help regulate your nervous system.
Talk to someone: A friend, coach, or therapist who can hold space for you and how you feel — without trying to fix or shame it.
Revisit your support systems: Who helps you carry the load? Where can you ask for (or pay for) more support?

Final Thoughts

Mum rage isn’t the end of your story and it certainly doesnt mean that you are a bad mother. It’s a chapter that so many of us quietly move through, but it deserves to be spoken about — openly, honestly, and without shame.

You are not alone in this. You are a woman navigating the messy, complex, beautiful and brutal transition that is matrescence. We are all learning, and through honest observation of ourselves and how we respond to things, we can begin to help ourselves and our families. Working toward a happy calm and healthy family life...

If you feel like you need a little extra support navigating issues with Rage, please do get in touch. I am a trained Matrescence facilitator which means that I can support women navigating their transition into motherhood- through a range of areas including Maternal rage. I would love to talk it through with you.

Louise x

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